Asd also known as autism spectrum disorder is a social communication disorder that can cause an individual to be particularly sensitive to their environment and seek out routine and repetition in order to minimise the stress that comes with the condition.
The biggest problem with Autism is that it is a condition that is very often misunderstood. It also has a stigma attached to it which means many people are fearful to investigate whether they might have it, and if it is suggested they might have Autism will often respond with statements such as ‘ we are all a little bit on the spectrum’ or ‘ I don’t believe in labelling people’.
The statement that we are all a little bit on the spectrum is fundamentally false. No, we are not all a little bit on the spectrum, a person is either on the spectrum or not on the spectrum. Yes we might all tick a few boxes of Autism but that does not mean we are a little bit autistic.
It is important to understand that there should be no shame attached to being diagnosed with Autism. It is a different brain not a wrong brain. Many people with Autism are particularly intelligent with maing gifted. in fields such as maths, finance, computer programming, engineering, music, gardening, art and creativity, research, medics and inventors. The autistic brain often hyper focuses on areas of interest and this hyper focus and ability to think outside the box often raises people to the top of their field.
The Autistic brain is wired differently and where it struggles is in reading and understanding the emotions and feelings of others. This does not mean a lack of empathy as often autistic individuals feel emotions with particular intensity. But reading the intentions and emotions of others is often a struggle.
Symptoms of autism are a liking of routine, a dislike of surprises, hyper focus on particular interests, emotional overwhelm, emotional dysregulation, sensitivity to criticism, low self esteem, a lack of theory of mind ( inability to put themselves in the shoes of others and to feel what they are feeling) to feeling calm in nature or around animals, sensitivity to noise, lights, textures, touch and smells, social anxiety, easily drained in social situations, bluntness often speaking without a filter , can seek to control their environment in order to minimise internal stress, overthinking, fear of making mistakes and a fear of what others think of them.
The difficulty with recognising Autism is that it can wear vastly different hats from person to person. An individual with autism can be an introvert but also many autistic individuals can be very socially motivated . Some autistic individuals have a very low sex drive with little interest in sex while others place very high importance on sex. Some individuals with autism seek a lot of physical contact while others are very uncomfortable with physical touch.
Adhd further complicates the situation with at least 50% of autistic individuals also having adhd . If an autistic individual also has adhd they are less likely to seek routine and repetition and more likely to thrive on change and new experiences . Autistic individuals are usually very organised and precise while individuals with adhd are often chaotic and disorganised.
Alexithymia adds a further layer of complexity. At least 50 % of autistic individuals also have alexithymia. Alexithymia means in Latin no words for feelings. Individuals with alexithymia will often struggle to recognise and speak about their emotions which makes emotional intimacy difficult. However there are many autistic individuals who don’t suffer with alexithymia and are very able to recognise and talk about their emotions.
These vastly different presentations ( and I have touched on just a few) can lead to an under diagnosis and misdiagnosis of the condition. It is not unusual for adhd to be diagnosed but Autism missed. Alexithymia is very under diagnosed and yet causes a lot of problems in relationships.
But do not minimise the impact the effect Autism can have in relationships. If ignored or minimised it can make the difference between the relationship thriving or breaking down.
So where should you start if you suspect Autism in yourself or your partner?
There are excellent questionnaires at www.embrace-autism.co.uk . Here you can find the AQ which is the gold standard questionnaire for autism designed by Simon Baron Cohen from Cambridge University and also the Cat-q which will pick up masking which is often very prevalent in women with Autism.
This website also has questionnaires for Alexithymia and short questionnaires for adhd ( although the questionnaires for adhd are far less thorough).
The problem that can sometimes occur relying solely on questionnaires is that questions can be misinterpreted, and also if a person fears an Autism diagnosis it might distort how they answer the questions. Two heads are better than one filling out these questionnaires so it is best to get your partner to look over the answers.
In my next post I will outline how Autism affects romantic relationships snd what can be learnt to help ease the challenges that can arise.
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