How to increase sexual desire in your relationship

How to Increase Sexual Desire in your Relationship 

A decline in sexual intimacy and an increase in acrimony go hand in hand. So many of the women that I see in my Practise complain that they feel their husbands pay little attention to them during the day but are happy to make sexual advances at night. Sexual desire is not created in an instance but comes from a strong sense of emotional intimacy and togetherness. 

Throughout the day there is a continuous stream of opportunities for connection. Couples need To learn the important of turning towards each other regularly throughout the day if they want to maintain healthy sexual desire. 

Couples can become so ingrained in their daily routines that they regularly miss the opportunities to stay emotionally connected. Do you take the time to truly listen to your partner when they speak to you? Do you offer up daily acts of kindness - a cup of tea in bed, a loving note, a warm hug and a kiss every day before work ( one that lasts at least 10 seconds), taking an interest in each other’s lives, asking open ended questions, a compliment both directly and to others, noticing what the other does for you and letting them know you appreciate them. 

The road to a decrease in sexual desire is littered with complacency, being inattentive to each other’s needs, a lack of interest in each other’s emotional well-being, regularly turning towards technology rather than each other, and not making time for quality time together in your lives. 

Try creating daily rituals that emotionally bond you to one another. Eat meals together whenever possible, go to bed at the same time and instead of picking up your phone or a book spend some time talking to one another about your day. Create plans for your future that excite you both. Make a fuss of special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. Create memories and put pictures around the house of your happy times together. 

How would you do in an intimate quiz about your partner’s likes and dislikes and individual quirks? Do you know their favourite drink, how they like their eggs, what upsets them and what makes them feel safe. Have you taken time to learn about their childhood, their happiest memories and the times in life that they have struggled. A relationship is ongoing learning about one another. Making each other your favourite specialist subject. 

Start today to take time for each other, to learn and become attentive. Love is so much more than saying the words I love you. To feel loved is to feel known and understood.  

Sexual intimacy begins first and foremost with emotional intimacy. Start today to build daily bonds of connection and watch your sexual intimacy flourish. 

The 7 signs of emotional infidelity

Emotional infidelity can leave scars as deep as a full blown affair . So what are  7 signs of emotional infidelity

1. Your partner is deleting text conversations or being evasive about conversations that they are holding with others. 
2. Your partner is talking or behaving in a way that might indicate to others that they are available and not that they are in a committed relationship. 
3. Your partner is divulging more information about themselves to another person than they share with you. 
4. Your partner has accused you of being paranoid, overly sensitive or jealous when their behaviour with others is questioned. 
5. Your partner is talking negatively about you and your relationship to others. 
6. Your partner is discussing sensitive and confidential matters about you and relationship with others. 
7. Your partner fails to support you when necessary, in the company of others. 

Integrity is vitally important in the formation of trust within a relationship. Do you trust your partner to act in the same way in all situations and regardless of company. How do they act with their friends? Work colleagues? Family members? Do they always act and speak with honesty, do they have your back in all circumstances? Can you rely on them, and know them to act with consistency. Would you describe them to be of good character ? 

It is always helpful to have the conversation, however uncomfortable, about your individual definition of emotional intimacy. Have the conversation when your relationship is stable and happy rather than when it has hit acrimony. Allow room for different opinions and work towards an agreement that you are both comfortable with. Trust is vital in relationship, and agreeing on the principals of trust will provide you with a solid foundation with which to move forward.