Know your needs and communicate them to your partner

Why it is important to work out your individual needs.

We all have individual needs when it comes to our relationship but many people have not taken the time to work out what they are. 

Take some time now, to sit alone with a piece of paper, and think about your life and what it is that you have learnt about yourself. What do you enjoy doing and what don't you like?

We all have basic need: food, water, shelter, safety, love and connection, but beyond that our needs are specific to us. 

Within a relationship we all have very different needs, what are yours?

Do you like a lot of physical affection? Are you and an introvert or an an extrovert? Do you need a lot of time alone? Do you like routine, or crave adventure and spontaneity? Do you have a high sex drive? Do you like deep intellectual conversations? Do you like spending a lot of your spare time with your partner? Is fun and humour important to you? Is romance important to you? 

Ideally when a couple first meet they will take the time to explore their needs to check if they are suitably matched. Where you don't align, can suitable compromises be made, or are your needs just far too different to be happy together?

Although the saying goes that opposites attract, the research shows that you are in fact far more likely to be happy with a partner who is similar.

Most people need to live a life true to their moral code. If your partner's morals are different this is likely to cause great acrimony, as we find it very hard to respect and admire people who don't adhere to our beliefs of what is right or wrong.

Take the time to know yourself, ask yourself searching questions about how you want to live your life and what you need from a partner. Own your findings, they are yours and true to you. It doesn't matter how others choose to live their life, or what films or advertisements portray, your needs are yours alone.

When we have not taken the time to establish our own needs within a relationship, we can focus all our attentions on making sure our partner's needs are met. Over time turning away from our own needs will lead to emptiness, a lack of fulfilment, anxiety or depression.

It is important to respect and support the needs of your partner when possible, but never to the detriment of your own needs. That will only lead to a build up of resentment.

Remember that a healthy relationship is the coming together of two individuals who stand shoulder to shoulder respecting each others differences, not the fusing or entwining into one unit.