How Modern Society is destroying our Relationships and what you can do to stop it destroying yours.
Divorce, depression, addiction, autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue and obesity are all on the increase. Although we have more disposable income than ever before we are more medicated, lonely, fatigued and depressed than at any other time in history.
This is also the case for our children, with rates of depression, ADHD, self harm, drug addiction, eating disorders and childhood obesity rising at alarming levels.
So what is going wrong? The answer can be found by studying Tribal Societies. Tribal societies do not suffer from depression and loneliness, addiction and auto immune diseases, eating disorders and self harm. The word that best sums up these societies is 'connection'. They live by the notion that is takes a tribe to raise a child.
Families remain tightly knit with elders admired and included. Children spend a lot of time with not only their parents but also their grandparents and extended family members. The stresses on modern parents in western societies are not suffered by these Tribe members. Homes are a place where connection dominates.
In my practise I see a lot of couples who are cash rich but time poor. Our priorities have changed, careers and children's extra curricular activities leave very little time for parents to spend quality time with each other. When two parents are working often quality time with the children is also restricted. We are all too stressed to live fully in the moment.
Time and time again I see couples where both are running at one hundred miles an hour on their separate hamster wheels. With no time to smell the roses, or enjoy the journey. But what are we all running towards? When I ask my clients this question the answers are variations of the same. To pay mortgages, a new car, holidays, pensions and school fees.
The truth is we have become a nation of excess - we all want to keep up, to achieve, to succeed. Life cannot be enjoyed at 100 miles an hour. The subtleties of life are lost, but most importantly the connections with the people that matter most are lost.
My definition of success is a life where each individual has time. Time to enjoy and explore with their families. Time to develop deeper more meaningful connections. Time to disconnect from the internet and reconnect with themselves. Time to stop and enjoy the sunrise, the sunset, a lingering hug. Time to listen.
It is now well established that depression, autoimmune disease and addictions are all a result of our increasingly stressful lifestyles and our lack of meaningful connections.
Decide today to dedicate more time in your life to deepen your connection with your partner and your families. One of the most precious gifts we can give others and ourselves is time.
Remember people on their death bed never wish they had spent more time in the office, or at their desks. Down size if necessary, buy a second hand car instead of a new one, keep your phone until it stops working rather than upgrading every couple of years. If putting children in private school means you have to work such long hours that you can't spend time with them, maybe it is time to reconsider where you school them. Take the financial pressure off yourself wherever possible. We have become a throw away society. Try to learn to enjoy what you have, learn to live well within your means.
A life lived in this way will create more time, life's most precious gift. Time to play, run, dance, laugh, explore, hug, give, listen, love and most importantly connect.
I will leave you with this poem by Nadine Star aged 85, it is a reminder to us all.
If I had my life to live over,
I'd try to make more mistakes next time.
I would relax. I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have on this trip.
I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic.
I would take more chances, I would take more trips.
I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers,
and watch more sunsets.
I would burn more gasoline. I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I am one of those people who lives
prophylactically and sensibly and sanely,
hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I have had my moments
And if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments,one after another.
Instead of living so many years ahead each day.
I have been one of those people who never go anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a
raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had to do it over again, I would go places and do things.
I'd travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted
earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.
I would play hooky more. I wouldn't make such good grades
except by accident.
I would ride on merry-go-rounds.
I'd pick more daisies!
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