Work addiction and it's negative effects on relationships

Work addiction and how it destroys Relationships

More and more frequently I am seeing couples where one or in some cases both partners suffer with an addiction to work. Work addiction is often seen as a 'soft addiction' and in many sectors of society is actually held in high regard.

Unfortunately I see the huge damage that an addiction to work unleashes on the effected relationships. The definition of addiction is the use of any substance or engagement in a behaviour for which the person develops strong cravings, is unable to stop or limit despite the fact that the activity generates many harmful and destructive consequences.

Workaholism can effect anyone in any field but there are certain professions where it seems to be far more prevalent. The medical profession, Teaching, Law/Barristers, The Financial Sector and the Self Employed. 

An addiction by its very nature dominates the mind and priorities of the effected person. The addiction has become a coping strategy for the individual to deal with their inner pain. A pain that in the many cases stems from some kind of trauma in childhood. For anyone who would like to further explore this idea the videos on U Tube by the Physician Gabor Mate are really insightful. 

The workaholic turns away from their family and loved ones and spends less and less time away from work. Holidays are either not taken at all or dominated by phone calls and emails. School plays and sports days are often missed, and quality time with their loved one becomes rare. 

Unfortunately Workaholics always have an excuse for their long hours. 'We wouldn't have this lifestyle', 'I'm doing it for the kids future/school fees', ' I am only working hard now so I can retire early', or 'You knew this about me when you married me'. These reasons feel very hard for the partner to argue against, however the partners of workaholics become more and more burdened, resentful and lonely as the work addiction continues.

Unwittingly partners can become 'enablers' of the addiction by picking up the slack, becoming increasingly tired and overworked themselves. The addiction also effects the health and mood of the sufferer. Workaholics are often tired and irritable, with on going stress related health complaints, such as anxiety, irritable bowel and insomnia. As with any addiction the health complaints get steadily worse as the working hours remain unadjusted.

So what is the way forward? Partners of workaholics must practise good self care. They must not become enablers and must learn how to put up boundaries to protect themselves. Addiction is a disease and the sufferer needs to seek help to adjust their lifestyle, as unlike with substance abuse abstinence is not an option. 

Workaholics need to understand that relationships cannot work without time and effort. I have worked with many workaholics who have eventually been able to see the damage their behaviour is having on themselves and their families. These individuals have successfully learn how to create a better work life balance and create room for their relationships to thrive.

Unfortunately the individuals that refuse to look at their behaviours and change usually find their relationship ends in divorce. Often the workaholic will move on to another relationship where the same problems reoccur.

If you are a partner of a workaholic do not allow them to belittle or dismiss the problem. Recognise that you are worthy of love and affection and try not to 'enable' the condition by overworking yourself. 

If you are a workaholic and recognise yourself here - take the time to get help and support to change your behaviour. At the end of their life no one ever wished they spent longer at their desk. Ultimately it is the relationships that we form that bring us our greatest joy.