Consistent effort is key to a happy Relationship

All Relationships require effort

It is a myth that if you are 'soul mates' you will not have to work at your relationship. It is also a myth that if you have to work hard at your relationships it suggests you are not right for one another. It is a myth that relationships should be effortless.

All relationships require effort, people put effort into the areas of life that are important to them, that they prioritise. Why is the 'Honeymoon' phase of a relationship so wonderful? This is the time of a relationship when both partners are putting in the most effort. They are prioritising each other and their relationship.

Almost every relationship that I see in my practise suffers from a lack of effort. Sometimes it is just one partner not making an effort and sometimes it is both. The relationship has ceased to be a priority.

When I ask couples when was the last time they spent any quality alone time together. They often struggle to think of any significant quality time in the recent past. Most couples these days seem to be largely prioritising career and or children, leaving no time at all for their relationship.

Careers and children are important and it is right that they should take up large chunks of time, but they should never take up ALL our time. If you want to lose weight you need to put EFFORT into choosing a diet plan, and sticking to it. The same if you want to achieve a successful career, get fit or learn a new hobby. Success in any area of life requires effort. Unfortunately however many people are of the mistaken belief that relationships can flourish in a vacuum, with little to no effort or attention. 

Just think what you could achieve if you decided today to make your relationship a priority in your life. That every day you chose to make every effort to improve your relationship. Any effort requires our time, and quality time is exactly what a couple needs to maintain a happy and healthy connection to each other.  

Designate a night every week as 'date night', they work and they keep a couple connected. Date night does not have to require leaving the house if finding a babysitter is difficult. The date can be spent at home cooking a special meal, or taking a long bath together. A couple of times a year go away for a night. Just one night away can remind a couple of what they love about each there. It stops a relationship from getting into a rut, and maintains a spark.

Make an effort to have meaningful communication every day. Talk about your day, and take time to listen to each other without judgement or stepping in with solutions, just to listen. Try to learn a little more about each other every day, remember that long lasting and happy relationships are always based on a strong foundation of friendship. Learn about each others likes and dislikes, happy and painful memories, ambitions, hopes and fears. Taking an interest in each other deepens the bonds of friendship and trust.

Think about the message you are sending if you choose not to make an effort in your relationship. You are sending a clear message that your partner is not a priority in your life. The greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time. Giving your partner freely of your time sends a very clear message that you value your relationship and that you value them. 

Choose to make 2018 the year your relationship gets the time and effort it deserves, and watch how your connection deepens and your relationship thrives.