2020 Should I stay or should I go?

'Should I stay or should I go now?

If I stay there will be trouble

If I go there will be double 

So come on and let me know 

Should I cool it or should I blow? '

This dilemma sung so eloquently by The Clash is a question asked by many of my clients at the start of the New Year. 

In my opinion, with the exception of abusive relationships ALL couples should try counselling before making the decision to end their relationship. You have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain. 

If you chose to leave a relationship without processing that relationship together, and looking at how the problems have arisen, then there is a strong danger of moving into another relationship where you just recreate the same issues with someone new.

I believe that we attract the people into our lives that will teach us the lessons that we need to learn. Rather than running away from the challenges that your partner presents, there is huge emotional growth in owning your part in the story. Choosing to look at how and why you relate to others in the way you do takes courage, but is wonderfully rewarding. 

It is rarely ever just one person that breaks a relationship, and by owning your part in the problem you can become part of the solution.

The majority of couples that commit to the process of counselling, succeed in becoming closer, more connected and ultimately happier. They learn how to lovingly communicate, and how to listen.  They learn to make time for each other and to prioritise the relationship. They learn their own and their partner's emotional triggers, and how best to navigate them. They learn the importance of vulnerability, forgiveness and emotional expression. 

The sessions ultimately teach the art of love, and loving well is something that can and should be learnt by all of us. 

At the end of our lives it is the quality of our loving relationships that we will treasure most. Not financial wealth or time at the office, but the shared memories of a life based in love. 

We are not taught in schools and Universities how to love well, but there are valuable lessons that can be learnt quickly and easily that will have a powerful effect on the quality of your relationship.

Make 2020 the year you invest in each other it will be the most important investment you ever make.