So often I will see a couple where one partner has regularly put the needs of their partner before their own needs, to the detriment of their own lives.
Helping others is kind and supportive and is positive when it is something that is done freely with no resentment. But regularly turning away from your own needs to fulfil the needs of those around you, can lead to emptiness, loss of desire, anxiety and depression.
We are taught from a young age that helping and supporting others is selfless and therefore something that we should strive for. Think for a moment about when you were last on a plane. The Air stewardess will tell parents to put the oxygen mask on themselves first before putting it on their children. Why? Because what help would you be to your child if you collapse while applying their oxygen.
However, this is what I see regularly in my practise. Individuals that have never learnt the importance of self-care. Non-confrontational individuals are often very quick to back away from their own needs if to continue to step forward is likely to cause tension or acrimony.
Learning how to have these difficult conversations when your needs are opposing that of your partner, is key to a happy relationship. If one partner regularly wins an argument, there will, by default, be a loser. The person that gives in, or allows the other party to have their own way time and again will be left with increasing resentments. This resentment will often show itself in a slow withdrawal from the relationship and a widening void between the couple.
Not getting your needs met on a regular basis is often the precursor to physical and mental destress, and will lead to a very unfulfilling relationship. We should all recognise that it is important to feel heard, understood and acknowledged. But some individuals find it incredibly difficult to speak up, so their partners are left oblivious to their growing resentments.
I teach my clients a style of communication which allows both sides to feel heard and understood. As it is only from a position of fully understanding each other's perspective that you can begin to find a mutually agreeable solution. A win / win, which allows both sides to feel that their needs are being heard and addressed. This communication style provides a safe and calm space for even the most non-confrontational person to feel comfortable to step forward.
Remember never give to another if it is ever to the detriment of your own life, as it will only ever lead to long term dissatisfaction and distress.
Helping others is kind and supportive and is positive when it is something that is done freely with no resentment. But regularly turning away from your own needs to fulfil the needs of those around you, can lead to emptiness, loss of desire, anxiety and depression.
We are taught from a young age that helping and supporting others is selfless and therefore something that we should strive for. Think for a moment about when you were last on a plane. The Air stewardess will tell parents to put the oxygen mask on themselves first before putting it on their children. Why? Because what help would you be to your child if you collapse while applying their oxygen.
However, this is what I see regularly in my practise. Individuals that have never learnt the importance of self-care. Non-confrontational individuals are often very quick to back away from their own needs if to continue to step forward is likely to cause tension or acrimony.
Learning how to have these difficult conversations when your needs are opposing that of your partner, is key to a happy relationship. If one partner regularly wins an argument, there will, by default, be a loser. The person that gives in, or allows the other party to have their own way time and again will be left with increasing resentments. This resentment will often show itself in a slow withdrawal from the relationship and a widening void between the couple.
Not getting your needs met on a regular basis is often the precursor to physical and mental destress, and will lead to a very unfulfilling relationship. We should all recognise that it is important to feel heard, understood and acknowledged. But some individuals find it incredibly difficult to speak up, so their partners are left oblivious to their growing resentments.
I teach my clients a style of communication which allows both sides to feel heard and understood. As it is only from a position of fully understanding each other's perspective that you can begin to find a mutually agreeable solution. A win / win, which allows both sides to feel that their needs are being heard and addressed. This communication style provides a safe and calm space for even the most non-confrontational person to feel comfortable to step forward.
Remember never give to another if it is ever to the detriment of your own life, as it will only ever lead to long term dissatisfaction and distress.
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