How and why sexual attraction gets lost in long term relationships

How and why sexual attraction gets lost in long-term relationships.

A recent study by The Co-Op Legal Services into divorce showed the 4th most common reason cited for divorce by couples was that they had stopped fancying each other. 

The main reasons I hear regularly from couples who have lost sexual attraction for their one another are as follows :- 

1. Their partner has physically changed since they first got together, it might be that they have put on a lot of weight, or that they no longer keep themselves fit or take pride in their appearance. 
2. They feel too tired - often this relates to couples that have young children. Couples often find that the demands of work and children leave them with no energy left for each other.
3. Stored resentments - The "why would I want to have sex with you when you do nothing for me" situation. Women in particular need to feel emotionally connected to their partners to want to have sex. So ongoing long running disputes will often result in a loss of sexual intimacy.
4. Chronic long term stress will decrease sexual desire, this could originate from financial worries, problems at work, difficult children, or health problems all effecting the desire to be intimate. Stress releases cortisol and adrenaline which when chronic in nature, physically drains the body and can leave problems with fatigue, insomnia, digestive disorders or chronic headaches.
5. Depression and anxiety - individuals that suffer with these disorders often find that their sex drive drastically reduces, and they lose interest in physical intimacy. Anti-depressant often have a side effect of loss of libido.
6. Dependency issues and loss of independence. We admire and respect individuals that are comfortable in their skin, that are passionate about life, and follow their hobbies and interests with enthusiasm. Some people find that they lose themselves when in a long term relationship. Their comfort zone ever decreasing and their dependance on their partner ever increasing. There is little desire in neediness or dependancy, admiring our partners is very much a part of sexual attraction.
7. Finding yourself stuck in a rut with no new or exciting experiences. Research has shown that novel experiences increase the sex hormones testosterone and oxytocin. When couples stop putting effort into the relationship their time together can feel stale and functional, reducing the desire for one another.

In tomorrows post I will discuss ways to improve emotional and physical intimacy.