The top five character traits to look for in a long term partner

The top five character traits to look for in a long term partner

I work with a lot of individuals that are dating and looking for a new relationship. I am regularly asked what I think are the most important characteristics to look for in a new partner. Here are my top 5 character traits for long term relationship happiness:

Kindness and Empathy - This pairing is always found together and is one of the most important traits to look for in a prospective partner. Kindness is so underrated as a quality, but vitally important for the long term happiness of a relationship. Kindness and empathy shows care and concern for the other. Empathy connects, and provides the ability to see the other person's perspective which is so important when resolving disputes. Empathy seeks to understand not to dominate. 

Integrity - is dependable, honest, repectful, constant and responsible. An individual with integrity reacts with consistency what ever the circumstance. They hold their character whatever the company. They stand firm in who they are and what they believe, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be to do so.  They are honourable and hold firm to a strong moral code. The stability and steadfastness of integrity will provide a strong foundation for a healthy and honest relationship.

Emotional Intelligence - It is very important to a relationship that both partners have emotional intelligence. This is the ability to read our own emotions and the emotions of others and is necessary for empathy. Emotionally intelligent individuals are comfortable in the world of emotions and are able to speak freely and openly about their feelings. Being able to read the emotions of our partner is key to connection. A lack of emotional intelligence will ultimately lead to repeated misunderstandings and frustration.

Self-esteem - It is very important that both partners have good self-esteem, and understand their own needs and how best to keep themselves happy and healthy. An individual without self-esteem can have the tendency to place the needs of others above their own, even if it is to their own detriment. Individuals that practise self-love have learnt to take care of themselves and recognise that they are the masters of their own destiny. They take responsibility for themselves and do not rely on others to keep them happy. An individual will self-esteem will recognise the importance of looking after their own physical and mental wellbeing, allowing them to stand shoulder to shoulder in a relationship rather than co-dependently entwined.

Hard-working - relationships take effort, and effort takes work. How ever well suited you are to your partner if you don't learn to put effort into your relationship, with time it will lose its shine. Relationships require consistent attention and time. Relationships require thought - how best can I show my love, how can I keep the relationship fresh? Birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions require effort and attention. The responsibilities of running a home requires effort and work, and when this is one-sided can quickly create resentment and acrimony. Parenting is hard work. So choosing a partner who is not afraid of rolling up their sleeves and sharing the load is vitally important to relationship happiness.