Alexithymia means 'no words for feelings'. 50% of individuals with Autism will also suffer with Alexithymia. There is a questionnaire that cam be found at www.embrace-autism.com called the OAQ which will give you a good indication if it is present.
Sufferers with the condition struggle to read their own emotions, and as a result rarely talk about how they are feeling. Often a sufferer when asked how they are feeling will usually reply that ' they are fine'. Often it is a problem retrieving the right word to describe their inner feelings. Individuals with Alexithymia can also struggle to read the emotions of others. They will often focus their attention away from feelings and live in a world of logic and practicality. Often people with Alexithymia are aware that they are experiencing an emotion they just don't know which emotion it is.
It is important to realise that although people with alexithymia struggle to recognise emotions it does not mean they don't care about other people. People with Alexithymia can recognise when people are in a negative state and it makes them feel distressed. The problem is they can't work out what they are feeling or what the other person is feeling, therefore can't work out a solution for making the other person feel better or to lessen their own distress.
People with Alexithymai can have a rigid thinking style that does not take into account emotions. They can present with a lack of joy, and appear humourless. There can also be a lack of fantasies and imagination.
Alexithymia can cause great distress as the inability to talk about emotions means that depression. stress and anxiety will often not be recognised , understood or discussed. I have had clients with Alexithymia that have told me they have never suffered with depression but when asked if they have ever had suicidal thoughts have responded that they regularly struggle with suicidal thoughts. A person cannot ask for help if they are unable to access the language to describe how they are feeling. Individuals with alexithymia will often not seek out counselling for this reason.
Unfortunately Alexithymia can also create a total lack of interest in the world of emotions which obviously will lead to tremendous problems with emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. Partners of individuals with Alexithymia will complain of a lack of connection and feeling lonely and emotionally neglected in the relationship. While the sufferer of Alexithymia will feel confused and at a loss as to how to improve the situation.
Writing or journalling can be useful tools to help individuals with Alexithymia access their feelings. Also The Feelings Wheel is a great visual aid for identifying and labelling emotions. The wheel organises 72 emotions into 6 key areas - sad, happy, angry, scared, calm, strong. The structure helps to better differentiate feelings. The feeling Wheel can be accessed here - https://www.calm.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel. There is also a feelings list for those that find the layout of the wheel disorientating.
CBT is also very successful in helping individuals with Alexithymia better access and understand their feelings. As their feelings begin to be better accessed and expressed emotional intimacy begins to develop and the couple starts to feel better connected. It requires patience and time but I have seen many individuals with alexithymia learn to better understand themselves and their emotions, which leads to a better connection to those around them.
