Fail to prepare or prepare to fail.

Happy couples are seeking relationship counselling in preparation for married life.

It is not always distressed couples that seek help with a couples counsellor. I am happy to see that more and more happy couples are looking to work with a couples counsellor to explore and support their relationship prior to getting married. 

Areas that are often explored in pre-marriage couples therapy are - value systems, children and unified parenting, respect, trust, kindness, loving communication and effort. Couples seek help to strengthen their communication skills and their ability to work through conflict in a healthy and supportive manner.

Expectations and individual needs are explored. Couples explore the  love language of their partner based on the powerful work by Gary Chapman. Couples learn how to show their love for their partner in a way that provides maximum impact. 

I am trained in Gottman Therapy which is based on the research of over 3000 couples. John Gottman and his wife Julie have developed what they call The Sound Relationship House. This teaches couples the art of good loving, the importance of consistently turning towards your partner rather than away, conflict management and developing shared life goals and rituals. Gottman has also recognised the behaviours that if left unacknowledged can create the demise of a relationship. These are called the four horseman which are criticism, defence, stonewalling and contempt. 

The importance of kindness and consistent effort is explored in detail, so that couples are well equipped to handling the more challenging areas of married life - for instance in times of ill health, work challenges or  when babies and young children come along! 

Wedding planning often whips a couples into a hedonistic whirlwind with focus on dresses, and cakes, and venues. It it great to see so many couples remembering that after the honeymoon tans have faded married life together begins. Learning the tools of loving well will carry a couple through the rough patches that all relationships hit at one time or another. Being prepared can make the difference between wedding bliss and an unnecessary divorce.