Be careful of Projection

Be careful of 'Projection'.

Following on from yesterdays blog about destructive criticism couples need to be very careful that the criticisms of their partner aren't due to projection.

So what is projection? - projection is when a person is not able to accept the existence of a negative character trait in themselves and so attributes or 'projects' it on to those around them. A gossip might regularly criticise others of gossiping, or a person being unfaithful might accuse their partner of infidelity. I regularly see clients with general unhappiness or depression projecting their own discomfort onto problems with their relationship or their partner. The result is that rather than have to turn to face their own inner discomfort they project their inner pain on to their partner where it is easier to deal with.

So next time you have a criticism of your partner, or anyone for that matter, ask yourself first whether you are projecting an issue that you are failing to address in 
yourself.

I can give you an example in my own life. Recently I have been writing a book. I find writing challenging and can often spend the day finding anything to do other than sitting down to write. In the early stages of writing my book if I had a bad day and achieved little I found myself picking holes in my husband and the lack of productivity in his day. 

Unfortunately, I explained to him about projection years ago, and he cottoned on very quickly what I was doing. Now if I find myself projecting my inner frustrations of book writing he very gently questions how the writing is going!

' Why do you look at the spec of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye'

Matthew 7:3-5